...

1:20a.m.

'i love you' seems inadequate.

but why am i still up at this hour and waiting for you to update me about what's going on with your life while you're almost half the country away from me?

i feel insane, trying hard not peek at my cellphone in hopes that you will text me in a minute or two.i am sick of pretending you don't exist.i am sick of lying to myself and tired of convincing my heart that it's not you who dwells in it any longer.

because the truth is, you're still here.

high school was the time when i felt the most immature.probably, what we've been through was all just a faux and unrealistic.

i was stupid...careless...irresponsible...

but you have to admit...so were you.

'i miss you' is too much.

i swear, if i wasn't as stubborn as i am, i am gonna call you right this minute and ask you what the eff is up and why are you doing this to me?

you said sorry, i know...but it's not enough.

you flirt like we have still have something. you text me "be safe" as if you really mean it and as if you really care whether i am protected or not.

should i believe you?

to be honest, i don't know what to believe anymore.not when all i've been hearing are lies...and i was soo used to your deception back in the day.

'i hate you' is a lie.

although i was hurt...and you've proven something to GoD only knows what, i can't deny the fact that i can't hate you for what you've done.

i hate it when you're right.

i can't hate you when you've only tried to reach out to me before.

i hate you because i hate myself when i see something in you that i hate about me.

'i'm sorry' is rare.

can you make me believe that you really regret what you did?how can you convince me that you are sorry for all the times you left me wanting and hoping?

i am not demanding for a public apology, just a sincere 'sorry' is enough.

'i'm here' is sh*t.

i never felt your presence.

not now, not before, not ever.