...

1:20a.m.

'i love you' seems inadequate.

but why am i still up at this hour and waiting for you to update me about what's going on with your life while you're almost half the country away from me?

i feel insane, trying hard not peek at my cellphone in hopes that you will text me in a minute or two.i am sick of pretending you don't exist.i am sick of lying to myself and tired of convincing my heart that it's not you who dwells in it any longer.

because the truth is, you're still here.

high school was the time when i felt the most immature.probably, what we've been through was all just a faux and unrealistic.

i was stupid...careless...irresponsible...

but you have to admit...so were you.

'i miss you' is too much.

i swear, if i wasn't as stubborn as i am, i am gonna call you right this minute and ask you what the eff is up and why are you doing this to me?

you said sorry, i know...but it's not enough.

you flirt like we have still have something. you text me "be safe" as if you really mean it and as if you really care whether i am protected or not.

should i believe you?

to be honest, i don't know what to believe anymore.not when all i've been hearing are lies...and i was soo used to your deception back in the day.

'i hate you' is a lie.

although i was hurt...and you've proven something to GoD only knows what, i can't deny the fact that i can't hate you for what you've done.

i hate it when you're right.

i can't hate you when you've only tried to reach out to me before.

i hate you because i hate myself when i see something in you that i hate about me.

'i'm sorry' is rare.

can you make me believe that you really regret what you did?how can you convince me that you are sorry for all the times you left me wanting and hoping?

i am not demanding for a public apology, just a sincere 'sorry' is enough.

'i'm here' is sh*t.

i never felt your presence.

not now, not before, not ever.

the best kind of stress...

there are 10 things i realized in being the director for our last (huw!) production, "E-Go!: Entrepreneurs on the GO!", a business show:

1. it is SUCH a great feeling to hear your production team calling and addressing you "direk" most of the time.:)

2. it is exhilarating to be in control and kinda stressful, too because your decisions can make or break your team.

3. it is soo much fun to do a restaurant review, especially if you're friends with the owner's daughter.you get to experience it in a whole new level, get as many takes as you want and the best of all--you get to have FREE food.:) (for the NTH time, thank you very much tita marina and maggie!:)) especially maggie. without her friendship, we wouldn't have made it there in makati.i love you.:>)

4.you have perks and privileges as director.you can say your thoughts without having to worry about contradictions. (right, meng?mela?chi?jesselie?owens?hahahaha.)

5. it is hard to decide on everything sometimes.:(

6. the minimum amount of sleep you get to have is atleast 2 hours.(beyond that is considered terribly lucky.)

7. it is nerve-wracking to await judgement day.(aka, the live air of your production.) not only do you get paranoid about stuff, you are also pressured because it's the last straw.people are expecting, i know.

8. the things you can come up with in just a week can get pretty exciting and great too.

9. it's uber fun to transfer from one location to another. (just yesterday, we travelled from ust to makati, then to makati to san juan then, i travelled from san juan to buendia.:s)

10. you can get broke.saving your allowance for almost 3months is inutile.when you're a director, you have to shell out your own money sometimes.

well, whatever.:) i don't really care about the money (i do spit on it, after all...hahaha, kidding!) because as long as i know i am trusted, it is worth more than anything in the whole world.:)

there are still TONS to be done before thursday.and honestly, i'm scared.but as long as i know i have all my groupmates to back me up and that they are all willing to help me out, i am more than grateful.:)

pray for the success of E-Go! everyone!:) like i always say, the main thing is doing a good job for the greater glory of God's name, being nominated for CATv is just the icing on the cake.but definitely loads better, that's for sure.:)

enjoy the evening everyone!:)

normal guy vs. edward cullen

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: "Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you died, a normal guy would find another.
If you died, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you.." He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "..but I wasn't sure how to do it. I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

He smiled my favorite smile. "Hurry back to me."
"Always."
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

"I heard the music before I was out of the car. Edward hadn't touched his piano since the night Alice left. Now, as I shut the door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lulluby. Edward was welcoming me home.'

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you've taken half myself with you.”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
"Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.

(this is my favorite:)
A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
___
reposted from ate nikki's site which she "stole from Hazel and Reena M"...grazie, ate nixee!:))

what's with twilight?

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU HAVEN'T READ TWILIGHT YET, AND HAVE PLANS TO READ THE BOOK ANYTIME SOON AND YOU'RE THE TYPE THAT ABSOLUTELY HATES SPOILERS, THEN I SUGGEST THAT YOU SKIP THIS BLOG AND READ ANOTHER PERSON'S LAME THOUGHTS. ON A FINER POINT, IF YOU LOVE SPOILERS AND YOU ARE INTERESTED TO FIND OUT A LITTLE GIST OF TWILIGHT EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT PLANNING TO READ IT, THEN BE MY GUEST AND READ MY BLOG.:)

...

okay, so a lot of you might be wondering what's all these fuss about twilight? and what the deal is with our addiction to this novel that is considered to be the next hottest book since harry potter?

well, i can justify this craze in two words..are you ready?:

EDWARD CULLEN.

vague, i know.and totally out of order.but the thing is, if you read twilight from cover to cover, you'd understand why.

let me give you a little back story of how i came to love this book.

late last year, my good friend marissa kept on texting me quotes from someone called edward cullen.being the busy girl that i was, i ignored the messages for a while.however, when she flooded my inbox with quotes still from this edward cullen, i asked her who the heck he is and why does she seem to be so gaga over words that he says? so she gave me a little gist about who he is.he is apparently, the protagonist in this love story entitled twilight.and it is about a human girl who fell inlove with a vampire.

"ahh, okay...", i thought.seemed interesting.but not interesting enough for me to actually go and buy the paperback.hey, after all, i was still head over heels inlove with the harry potter series and i was still apalled at the thought that "the deathly hallows" was the end of it.

so, okay.life was normal after that.except when marissa really kept on flooding my inbox with quotes and when joyce, another friend since birth, did the same thing and gushed about this edward cullen who is soo hot and mysterious.

this made me wonder,

"who the eff is edward cullen and why are my friends inlove with him?and why are my friends becoming maniacs about being with him??"

after hearing countless stories over the sophomore sembreak about twilight, life was more idle after that--edward-dialogues free, atleast, from the time being.

and during the succeeding months, i stopped hearing about edward cullen and his hotness. whew.thank you Lord.

then, came august this year.

during one of my dull days, julie, another friend since birth, and me texted each other.it was one of those text conversations that you'll realize that you're thankful for because something good came out of it.i mean, other than not being able to see each other for almost a year and a half, we got updated with each other's lives.

so, out of the blue, she asked me (in an attempt to switch to another topic, i figured), if i ever read twilight yet.

i was like, "uh-oh...here we go again.more edward groupies."

i told her, no but i've heard a LOT about him for the past months, though.

so like joyce and marissa, she was polite enough to share with me about what it was and she also ranted about how she's inlove with edward as well.and she asked me if i wanted to borrow her book.i said, yeah, alright...i'll give it a shot then and see what the fuss is about.

the next morning at school, i came to class and saw some people carrying the book.celine, a friend, was also reading.and so was giannina.

i wanted to scream,"oh no!twilight mania in the house!"

so to make the story short, i got the book (thanks to my brother, who was the one who got the book from ann, julie's sister) and began to read it about a week ago.

i don't want to sound like a maniac, but here goes:

OMFG!I SHALL EAT MY WORDS!INDEED, EDWARD CULLEN IS SO DAMN HOT, SATAN HIMSELF SHOULD BE ASHAMED AND WALK OUT OF HELL TO MAKE WAY FOR EDWARD.

hahahaha.laugh out loud.i know.i'm crazy.call me addict, but i am.

i am now one of those millions of weird fans who are dreaming of an edward cullen that shall sweep me off my feet.:)

and, the movie excites me more than anything else in the whole world.:)november, where art thou?

oh my gosh!:) i'm so sorry to bore you with my rant, but i can't help it.:) twilight is soo romantic that romeo and juliet pales a thousand shades darker compared to it.

well,it's because romeo is no edward and juliet is no bella.:)

i would completely understand if you want to stop reading my blog at this point and browse somewhere else because all that you're reading right now are all mushy stuff.:)but if you're a fan like i am, go on ahead and share my mush.:)

so anyway, in a nutshell, twilight is a novel about a normal human girl named bella who moved into a small town called forks to live with her father who her mother left a long time ago.bella hated the place although she was tolerating it because she wanted to live with her father for a change.

in her school, she felt like a stranger (duh.she just moved in.go figure.) but nonetheless, her being "new" seemed to fascinate majority of the male population. it was in this school that she met the cullens, a queer, pale family who didn't seem very friendly but their inhumanly beautiful faces separated them from the rest. her eye was caught by one of them, the bronze haired boy who resembled a god.apparently, he was taking notice of her too.

however, bella noticed that he seemed to be keeping his distance from her and he seemed disturbed by her presence.

off to the good parts:

their entire relationship was uneasy, thanks to edward's hostility and countless mood swings and bella's oblivious self.

however, in one chapter, edward finally lets his guard down and says,"i'm tired of staying away from you, bella..." (btw, i screamed when i read this part and this was only in chapter 3.the book is that good.)

so, there.but someone clued bella in that the cullens are vampires.this was a startling revelation, but it didn't shock or scare bella that much.why?well, read the book to find out.:)

so then, came the nice parts...:) the declaration of love, the introduction to the vampire family, the ball game, james and bella's near death experience because of james.

i'm in too much sloth to give details, so go read the book!:)

REVIEW:

obviously, twilight is V.G. with 10 million stars for me!:)) hahahahaha.:)

edward and bella are the next best thing since brangelina, tom-kat, beyonce-jay-z, bill-monica (where did that come from?haha) COMBINED.:)

twilight is soo good that you'll feel ashamed for not being in the band wagon.:)

like i always seem to say lately, EDWARD CULLEN IS NOW MY NEW STANDARD FOR A FUTURE BOYFRIEND.

how i wish all guys would be like him:a little bit evil, but totally the real thing.:)

the way he sees bella should be the way that all human guys should see girls.

HUMAN BOYS, YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.:)

i'm kidding.;)

twilight is definitely a must read.:)

...

i'm anticipating for NEW MOON.

went to the book store earlier tonight to buy myself a copy, but eff, it's sold out.it's that bankable.c'mon.:)

thank God for friends like guica, she volunteered to get me a copy, which, hopefully, i can get by thursday.:)

i love you guica.:)
...

who would've thought that a simple novel can create such an addiction?

i know you want to read it.:)

:))

i wanna eff you in an elevator!

this is soo retarded!:)) but funny!:))

WRITE DOWN WHAT IT SAYS IN THE DAY U WERE BORN...FOR EXAMPLE{ I WANNA KISS YOU IN THE RAIN}

Jan. - i WANNA FEEL YOU
Feb. - i WANNA SEX YOU
Mar. - i WANNA FUCK YOU
Apr.- i WANNA DANCE WiTH YOU
May.- i WANT YOUR BODY
Jun. - i WANNA KISS YOU
Jul. - i WANNA BITE YOU
Aug. - i WANNA liCK YOU
Sep. - i WANNA lOVE YOU
Oct. - i WANNA TOUCH YOU
Nov. - i WANNA RUB YOU
Dec. - i WANNA TAKE YOU TO SEX HEAVEN

1- iN THE STATiON WAGON
2- iN AN ElEVATOR
3- iN A BLIZZARD
4- IN A STREET.
5- ON THE STAiRS
6- ON THE COUNTER
7- ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL
8- iN A ClOSET
9- ON ViDEO CAMERA
10- iN THE BATH TUB
11- iN THE SHEETS
12- iN THE BASEMENT
13- iN THE BACK OF A CAR
14- WHilE WATCHiNG PORN
15- iN THE DOG'S CAGE
16- iN THE SHED
17- iN THE HOT TUB
18- ON THE ROOF
19- iN THE SWiMMiNG POOl
20- WiTH STRAWBERRiES
21- iN THE DRESSiNG ROOM
22- oN thE ToiLeT
23- AT A GAS STATiON
24- iN THE RAiN
25- iN THE ATTiC
26- iN THE lAUNDRY ROOM
27- ALL NiGHT LONG
28- AT MY GRANDPARENTS HOUSE
29- WiTH KiWi
30- AT THE POST OFFiCE
31- AT CHUCKiE CHEESE