the runway ahead.

here's the thing:

i am my own person.i don't need to compromise who and what i am in order to be successful nor to live up to other people's expectations.

like i always say:

I AM NOT HERE TO FEED YOUR EGO..I'M HERE FOR MYSELF.

(i should definitley have this statement copyrighted and trademarked, coz after all, it is my idea.i was the one who said it.and i have been hearing a LOT of dumb bitches saying the same thing.hey, i should be taking the credit, don't you think???)

anyway.do you ever get the feeling that you're surrounded by traitors and back stabbing hoes?

well,it's what i feel constantly every now and then.

paranoid much?not really.

it's just that, when you live in a world where everybody seems so insecure and full of themselves, you need to have your defenses up.otherwise, they're gonna eat you up and spit you out without a second guess.

am i right?

...

okay,okay.i know it's too early in the year to be hating on somebody.it's the new year, after all.we all have these resolutions (that we don't get to do anyway so why bother??) and vows to be good, to be nicer, to lose/gain weight...

but you know what?

F*** resolutions.

F*** promises.

F*** those people who swore that they're gonna be there for you but they'll just leave you like a load of crap in the end.

grr.thinking about people on the verge of pretense seriously makes me want to gag.

so you must be sitting there and reading this thing and saying to yourselves,
"whoa, this girl has got some issues.."

and yeah, crap, i do have issues.everybody does.can't i just drown in my own misery for just a minute and not feel any worse about myself for just a second?

sheesh.

it's effing depressing, that you just wanna leave that life behind, but then, all of a sudden, it pops up once again, uninvited, and you're back to square one.

COME ON.seriously.that was so high school.can't we all move on and live in peace?

i'm sorry you're that insecure to actually bring it up again.and i'm sorry that you never shined like i did when we were still younger.and i'm so sorry that we ever crossed paths again.

it's not my fault that we were coincidentally in the same place at the same time.

alright?

so don't act like we used to friends.don't act like you don't have anything against me.and don't you dare pretend that everything is okay between us.

i know i don't.i never did.

so please just spare us both the drama.

you've proven your point. you are that good of an actress.i never gave you enough credit for it.

well, here goes, as you wished:

bravo.

...

*sighs*

i just never really get used to the prospect of people who just wants a favor from me.

...

anyway.enough of the more depressing news.

what is in store for me for the year ahead?

i dunno.i've never been much of a planner.i do things spontaneously.i take them as they are or i do drastic measures to improve it here and there.

one thing's for sure, though:

i will learn how to study people before i let them in my life.i could no longer afford any more hurt.i've been through enough of it already.

...

about the title:

"the runway ahead.."

yes, industrially speaking, i am talking about the runway that models walk on during fashion shows.

(cherie knows about this more than anyone else:)

i am a frustrated fashion model wanna-be/fashion designer.

i live in my own world of color and prints.i am my worst critique.

>i undergo through bad fashion sense every now and then...

>i sometimes trip while walking...

>i hear people bringing me down...

but it's not all that matters.

what's important is that:

>i look and feel good with what i'm wearing...

>i recover from a very bad fall with my head up high and still look confident...

>and i don't mind what other people say or think...

at the end of the day, i just live in my own fantasy and still afford to be happy.

the world is my runway and i am on my own fashion show...